that bridge to nowhere

thanks to c. for reminding me about this log. no, i'm not retired. and it is no comfort to me at all that it requires almost no thought for me to recall something i did that would qualify for these illustrious pages.

only just yesterday after our faculty colloqium, i was sitting around yucking it up with the guest speaker (a nice old lady) and another professor, discussing her talk, which was about darwin cartoons & satire. suddenly, i found myself launching into a racist joke:

"i heard a joke on the radio the other day! it goes like this. a jew, a pole and an irishman walk into a black hole. (end of the not-funny joke.)"

ba-dum-bump.

i really have to stop talking when i feel uncomfortable in social situations. i'm going to get myself tarred and feathered. or fired.

egregiously slanderous slander

In a fit of anxiety regarding a certain someone's entry into the public school system, I managed to slander teachers, white people, the partially educated, and the entire general population of the state we live in (which is of course coterminous with "white people") in a single phrase, which I won't repeat here.  Although I regret having voiced this stunning piece of negativity out loud and in public, I stubbornly continue to rue the day that my precious daughter was integrated into the mandatory, State-run ideological indoctrination factory known as "kindergarten."  (What, the kids are fucking plants?  And what's with the German?)

i said she was fat

i remain mortified that i responded to something like the following -- "i haven't exercised in a while" -- with "yeah, you've gained some weight."  this, i was later informed, is exactly the same as saying "you're fat."  i'm losing sleep over this, but the person in question has taken up yoga with a renewed and vigorous interest and is looking mighty fit these days, so it might work out for the best.  now if everyone would just forget that i said it.